Something is bubbling, spewing and churning inside of me,
a tingling in my feet. I fell asleep.
My whole being did, soul, heart, body and mind, it went deep.
Time to let myself be free.
The expression of my self stunted, frozen in space,
the tingling spreads, this feeling as if dipped into the black sea, you see it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
They said, I was meant to reach high but all I ever did was jump once in a while, always crashing back never reaching, never earning, always missing what I aimed to do.
A pitch black maze came into life around me, around the time of accountability.
My sins commanding me, see this was all about looking out for number I.
I died, a dead man walking, see the despair around me?
A blind man watching. Hear the screams travelling over seas?
A deaf man hearing.
Fearing terror. Loving lust, reaching just for dust.
They hail me as one living, feeling, thinking entity
but don’t they know that I have died, sinking, drowning in the coldness that is, me?
But that was then and this is now.
I’m telling you how my being came back to what it was meant to be
what is expected of me,
before I finally perish here, here on Gaia.
My heart is stirring, beating to this beautiful ayah.
[ Al-Baqarah 2:186 ]
Trying to respond, anything else would surely be my doom.
Believing in Him, Trusting and Worshipping only Him, striving for this deen.
Gaining strength, to walk the straight path, at least an arms length.
For this is what I was meant to do, for this is what I always wanted to do.
Warmth surrounding me now,
I silently make this vow,
to always return to Him, for my me is nothing without Him.
Now or ever, to never let my self, my I, have a higher rank.
A blanket covering me, my rizq. Ya Allah grant me sakinah.
My eyes open,
No longer deaf to the sweet sounds of comfort.
No longer blind to the beauty of this life, with its tribulations and desperation, its peace and bliss .
I am Awake.
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