Being patient with ourselves

Salam Alaykum,

It is in our nature to want, do and act in haste, to be impatient as Allah (swt.) said in the Qur’an:

“Man is ever hasty” [Surah Al-Israa’ : 11]

Our creator created us like this, with this haste and still He (swt.) expects us to fight it. To act with intelligence and not act on emotion alone. Didn’t the Prophet (saw.) say:

“The strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.” [Agreed upon.]

To be patient in a moment of extreme emotion, be it anger or sadness is often to act against our first instinct to lash out. We are asked to struggle, to make Jihad in such situations, to be the strong man or woman.

Wasn’t there a time where we sought to be grown up as fast as possible? Then pine away at those trouble-free days as we reached our adult days. Do we not seek time to pass faster when there is nothing to do, but miss times of lazing about when we are busy. We always want time to go by as fast as possible, not realising that with every second we come closer to death. We forget to live in the moment, thanking God for the good times and the bad times. The times of joy and happiness and those of pain and sadness which we want to have passed quickly, but everything takes time.

“Rome ne fut pas faite toute en un jour”

Rome wasn’t built in a day as the adage says, encouraging us, that there is a need of time for great things to be created. Everyone is on a journey and at different stages of it, it takes time for us to reach the majour stations in our life as Allah (swt.) wills it and how much effort we put into reaching them. If a majour problem of yours is your anger, then work on it, it may take a long time to control it but you’ll get there. We will get there, inshaAllah (if God wills). On our journey to reach our goals, we need to be persistent. There may be many set backs on the way, it is going to be hard but persist in it and Allah will give. As Allah (swt.) tells us in many instances:

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]” [Surah Baqarah : 153]

 But they never lost assurance due to what afflicted them in the cause of Allah , nor did they weaken or submit. And Allah loves the steadfast.

[Surah Ali Imran : 146]

It is always difficult to be patient especially with ourselves, we can be very hard on ourselves, with our regrets and guilt. To a point regret and feeling guilt is okay and a good thing, it can drive us making that train reach its station faster. Past a certain point however it harms us, we either fall to our regrets, wallowing in them or we begin to feel indifferent which is the other extreme. The goal is to harness this feeling to become better, to come closer to God.

In a Hadith Qudsi related by Abu Huraira (ra.) the Messenger of Allah (saw.) said:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Allah, the Exalted, and Glorious said: ‘A slave committed a sin and he said: O Allah, forgive my sin,’ and Allah said: ‘My slave committed a sin and then he realized that he has a Rubb Who forgives the sins and punishes for the sin.’ He then again committed a sin and said: ‘My Rubb, forgive my sin,’ and Allah (SWT) said: ‘My slave committed a sin and then realized that he has a Rubb Who forgives his sin and punishes for the sin.’ He again committed a sin and said: ‘My Rubb, forgive my sin,’ and Allah (SWT) said: ‘My slave has committed a sin and then realized that he has a Rubb Who forgives the sin or takes (him) to account for sin. I have granted forgiveness to my slave. Let him do whatever he likes”.
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

This Hadith shows, the Mercy of Allah (swt.) that He forgives and forgives if we repent with sincerity. This of course does not give us the license to sin, but if we fall into sin and then repent from it sincerely, resolving to not do it again, and we happen to fall into it again then we are to repent from it again and to not give up repenting for our weakness.

It was said to al-Hasan al Basri (rah.):

“Shouldn’t one of us feel too shy to ask his Lord to forgive his sin, then do it again, then ask for forgiveness, then do it again? He said: The Shaytaan wishes that you would have this attitude, so do not tire of asking for forgiveness.”

We have to have the patience that when we do something we regret repeatedly, to ask for forgiveness and to not get tired of repenting thinking that, “I am just going to do it again anyway”. 

We ask Allah (swt.), as the army of Saul (as.) and David (as.) asked:

Our Lord, pour upon us patience…

[Surah Al-Baqarah : 250]

Oh Allah help us make us worthy of having you with us, as you have promised the people who are patient.

Indeed, Allah is with the patient.

Make us people of patience and forbearance, of good character and good actions. Amin.

Wa Salam,
Abdur-Rahman

Mu610

About Mu610

22 year old German Muslim currently studying at Bradford University in the UK. Born in Marburg, raised in Berlin and spent 5 years in Nottingham then moving to Bradford in September '12. Is fluent in German and English and has some knowledge of French and Arabic, has an interest in learning Japanese, Italian, Spanish, Russian, Chinese and maybe Urdu for now.

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